Judah Racham

Programme Leader for Family Work - Judah is a BACP registered counsellor, and Parent-training Mentor, who joined Place2Be in 2021. He has over 7 years experience delivering counselling and therapeutic services for adults and children. Judah has been supporting parents and carers, delivering parent training and supervising parenting practitioners within local authorities and the NHS for over 17 years.

Being a parent in the age of technology and social media is not an easy task. I feel I have always tried my best to protect my children from anything that could hurt them. Things like crossing the road safely, healthy eating or brushing teeth were quite straightforward, I think. But as my boys have grown older and their access to technology has increased, I've had to face another potential danger for them in the form of social media.

The impact I see social media having

My wife and I decided a long time ago not to allow our boys to have smartphones. This was not easy to follow through on, as there was a sense of pressure to conform to what all other parents seem to be okay with when it comes to giving their child use of a phone. Part of the reason we've stuck to our guns with this is due to the work I do with young people as a counsellor. I see first-hand how many young people have been negatively affected using platforms like Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok. While some of them mention that there are positives to social media, I can’t help but feel concerned after hearing the stories they tell about online bullying, grooming and even scamming due to the deception that seems commonplace online today

I have also spoken with young people who tell stories of how they feel their lives compare to influencers, celebrities and even their peers online. The presentation of perfect-looking lives on these platforms is often out of touch with the real world, and I can hear how this impacts young people’s self-esteem.

Even though my boys don’t have phones, they still have access to devices like tablets and laptops and I have still wondered about what they are accessing in terms of social media at times. One day, I saw my 14-year-old busily typing away on his laptop and smiling to himself, so I asked him what was so funny and who he was speaking to. He assured me that it was not a real person he was speaking to but rather an AI version of the Homer Simpson character. I was surprised to know that we live in times where young people no longer even need to interact with another human being to be involved with the online world of social interactions.

Having open communication is important

This prompted me to start having more regular conversations and check-ins with my boys about what they are doing online. I’ll be honest in saying that sometimes these conversations felt slightly uncomfortable. But I knew that these conversations were important. When I started to share information on things like online safety, and my concerns about social media, I realised they had more of an understanding of these things than I first thought based on what they said to me.

Through conversations, we've been able to settle on some rules for how my boys engage with the digital world. I am not a fan of my children falling into a trap where they are tethered more to their devices than the real world. Luckily, my boys do have lots of interests and hobbies that take them away from engaging with technology and this offers me some reassurance that they have a reduced risk of having the same negative stories as some of the young people I have seen in therapy.

Where do we go from here?

It’s unrealistic to say that I will keep my boys away from engaging in technology and social media entirely; I understand it's part of their world and has its advantages. But I do believe in setting boundaries, having honest conversations, and promoting a healthy balance. I feel it’s up to me and my wife as parents to help our children navigate this digital landscape safely. After all, they deserve to grow up feeling confident, supported, and secure - both online and offline.

Resources you might find helpful

Our parenting experts created a Parenting Smart video and article about safe social media for primary-aged children.

You can also take a look at lots of other articles, tips, videos and resources on our Parenting Smart site.